I always knew God. I knew that He was close to me, but I kept Him at a distance because I thought He was boring. I also knew that I could hear Him – well, not exactly hear Him, but I knew what He was saying within my heart. I ignored Him for most of my life. I knew that He was calling me but I did not want to know.
In 1986, I began to answer the calls, but only because times were hard and I needed Him. He came to my assistance in an unusual way. I had a car accident. At this time he showed me many things. I was in intensive care and very seriously ill. The doctors gave me twenty-four hours to live, but I pulled through, much to their amazement. While still in intensive care and very ill, I felt a great pain flow through my body.
My mother was at my bedside. She told me later that she thought that I was dying at that moment, but a great peace surrounded both of us.
I remember telling her to pray. Then I saw what looked like a veil opening in front of my eyes. Suddenly, I was looking from a great height. I could see my mother and myself below. I could see myself in pain and I could also feel the pain that was in my body. A voice – which came from behind me – said, "Prayer and pain releases souls." I saw what seemed like a cloud in a valley between two mountains. The mountains were like red clay. At the end of the valley there was a wall and behind it was a town with dome-shaped houses and these too were of red clay. The town looked bleak and dismal.
Pieces of the cloud began to break off and float upwards. I could see it was the prayer and the pain that was responsible for this. I felt a feeling of great joy at the sight of it.
I followed the pieces of cloud upwards and they went towards a set of golden gates. I could see inside these a little way. I saw great golden fans that blocked my view and I know that I was not allowed to see further. I realised that the clouds that I had seen were souls being released from purgatory.
The person, who was behind me said, "All will be revealed to you when you reach this point." Jesus told me later that this ‘person’ or ‘voice’ was my Guardian Angel. The ‘point’ that Nathaniel (my Angel’s name) was speaking about was the point of entry into the Kingdom of God.
I was shown many things at this time, but these would be too numerous to mention here. I was told to tell all people to say the Rosary for peace and unity in the world and for the happy repose of souls. I was also told that I would recover soon.
The following day I was taken out of intensive care. Eight days later I was out of hospital, much to the amazement of the doctors and everyone else.
All things began to get better in my life and I went back to work. The money was good, all the bills went and so did God. I had no time for Him, once again. I suppose that this is the way of the world; when we are in trouble we want Gods help. He does help and all things go well; then He begins to get in the way. This is the way it happened with me. I would take ‘holy fits,’ now and again; I would say my prayers and go to Mass. Most times I did not even want to go to Mass, I was too busy living. Going to Mass and saying prayers did not really fit because it made me feel guilty. I knew that I was not doing right by Jesus. I knew that He was still calling.
I liked to hear about various Messages from around the world especially if they were about the chastisements. The harsher the better, but still I did not change my life. I went on.
One day I was passing the Chapel in my hometown and I went in. To this day I do not know why. I went in, walked up to the Altar of Our Lady and sat down. I knew that Jesus was there. I said to Him, "I haven’t said the Rosary in years, but I’ll have a go anyway." I knew that there was one Our Father, ten Hail Marys and one Glory be to the Father. I could not remember the Mysteries so I said to Jesus, "You do the Mysteries and I will say the prayers," and this is what We did.
As I was coming out of the Chapel, I found a leaflet about the Divine Mercy and took it with me. I asked my wife, Pauline, to read it to me, as I have Dyslexia and do not read or write well. I was very interested in the contents of the leaflet. I went to the Chapel again the next day and said the Chaplet of Divine Mercy from the leaflet. Then I discovered a leaflet about the Rosary on the seat next to me. Jesus was leaving nothing to chance. He began to teach me about Himself and His Mother. He placed a great hunger in me for Himself that could not be satisfied. There is a saying about people "eating the altar rails." I would have eaten the rails, the altar and all!
I loved Jesus and Mary so much that all I wanted to do was spend time in the Chapel at every service that was going. I went there every evening after work. This went on for about five months. Then the longing left, all was gone. I knew that Jesus was telling me that He had helped me but now to see what I could do by myself.
The search for Him began. I got Messages from all over the world. I listened to every religious tape I could find over and over again. I went to Mount Mellory in Ireland more than twenty times. Everyone was seeing different things there but I saw nothing spiritual but I always felt great peace there. My consolation was a great love for the Rosary. I said it at every opportunity, before work, at lunchtime and in the evenings. It was a refuge that Our Lady had given to me. Thank You, Mary, for this beautiful gift.
I found a great love for the Messages that Jesus and Mary gave through an Irish Visionary. Through this association I met two beautiful people. They helped me so much that I could see the love they had for God. They gave me many leaflets and prayers to distribute and promote. This was the beginning of my wanting to work for God. One of these ladies gave me thousands of leaflets, medals and tapes to distribute. I found a small satisfaction in my hunger by doing this. I thank Jesus for these two ladies. May Jesus bless them and their families for the good that they did for me and many others.
I did this work for a long time but I could not find what I had in those previous five months. One night I went to Kilnacrott Abbey in County Cavan to do an all night vigil there. A friend called Kevin Quinn introduced me to Patrick Rushe. Patrick was receiving Messages. I said to him that I would like to talk to him but something strange happened. He walked one way and I walked the other. Neither of us knew why this happened but we have guessed that Jesus had something to do with it.
About a month later, I rang Kevin to get Patrick’s telephone number. When I rang him we spoke for about two and a half hours. We arranged to meet the next day. Patrick had no transport and had no way of spreading the Messages. I offered my help and we began going to prayer meetings where Patrick would speak. I was quite happy to drive and spread the Messages. I had no way of knowing but it had begun.
Jesus had begun to speak to me through Patrick and He asked me to speak words of prophecy. I did not want to do this but Jesus kept asking. I was afraid but finally I said yes. I was afraid of my own humanness and that I would mislead His people. Jesus spoke with great gentleness and patience to His children and, always, the words were about His great Love. I felt all right about this. One night, Jesus asked me to speak at a meeting. I nearly had a heart attack! I would not know what to say. But Jesus assured me that it would be Him who would do the speaking. They would be His Words and not mine.
I spoke for the first time and, to my surprise, the words just flowed from me. Although my mind was blank, Words were coming from me; I was saying things that I know that I did not learn. I began to trust Jesus and I began to feel comfortable with what I was doing. But I still had to learn that Jesus never gives up.
Jesus asked me to write His Words. I did not want this. Enough was enough. As I said earlier I have Dyslexia and I find difficulty in reading and writing. Jesus explained in a Message to both of us. He said He had placed a `jewel` in this world and His Work could not be done unless the two halves of the jewel were together, and His Light shinning through it. All we would have to do is say yes in our free will. He taught us that we, of ourselves, could not do anything for we are sinners, no different to anyone, in spite of the fact that Jesus was speaking to us. Jesus would do the talking. Thank You, Jesus, my Friend for all that You have done for us. I love You.
Jesus told me that He would help with my fears, and my reading and, most of all, my writing; and He did. I still have not found what I had in the earlier five months, and Jesus told me that I would have to go through this ‘darkness’ so that He could mould me into what He wants me to be. It is difficult at times, but with the help of Jesus and Patrick I keep going, for it is His Will and not mine.
Jesus Christ is ALL, and we are nothing but two sinners, whom Jesus wishes to use. Our lives are nothing, but to Jesus the lives of His children are everything.
I love You, Jesus, and I ask that You give me the grace to serve You, Your Mother and Your Church in truth, love, humility and obedience. Thank You, Jesus and Mary, for the Love You bestow upon us all. I love You.